Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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