she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
