I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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