I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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