it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
