I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
