so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
operation have a gay friend backfired
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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