My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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