wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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