Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
