I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
