I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
