I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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