i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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