If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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