i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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