I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
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He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize