May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
