thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
