we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
