I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
