Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
