; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
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Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
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If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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