I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
