i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Terrible idea I love it
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
