Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
