i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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