I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
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These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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