Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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