I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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