the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
