the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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