You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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