Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
