PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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