So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
