Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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