I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My penis needs a shock collar
I just gargled with NyQuil
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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