I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
