I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
