I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
