It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You can't just leave with hair like that
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
