How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
