and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize