i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
