How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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