i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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