did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
