He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
