So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
