I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
