I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
