I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
