So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
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When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
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They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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