i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
