i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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