From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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