Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
