I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
40s are totally the cure
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
