why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
