i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
