Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
