The maid of honor just puked.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
