they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
