dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize