i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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