The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
