He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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