It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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