Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
