I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
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nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
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I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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