I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
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You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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